Unwriter excerpt

Rereading earlier drafts supplies the answer to all of the scene’s problems.  A pack of zombie (feral?) robots obviously breaks through the police lines late in the scene adding the random element that was missing.  Yes, robot butlers seemingly got the boot earlier, but Phillip favors the chaos and fear that would be generated by rusted crazed robots overrunning the SWAT team over uninteresting replicants that simply serve to make Sasha seem nigh invulnerable.

Rescene: Sasha wakes to the sound of movement downstairs.  She puts on her mask and looks over the upstairs railing and sees five members of a SWAT unit quietly searching the house.  Eduardo pretends to be asleep on the couch, but fingers the trigger of a shotgun.  The house is completely surrounded by the police and Flannan tanks mentioned earlier.  Phillip moves to an earlier point in the book and adds that George’s apartment is in a bad neighborhood which adds believability to what’s about to occur.  Sasha hides behind a door as two men in black body armor move quietly up the stairs.

There is some noise from outside.  The infiltrators stop and listen to their earpiece radios.  Gun fire and screaming from street.  One of the cops runs to the front door to tries and close it but is tackled and has a rusted arm repeatedly plunged into his chest.  The other members of the Swat team come to help but are similarly overrun.  Eduardo shoots the robots that have entered the house while Sasha runs to the basement to retrieve the CEO.  Bob blocks the front door as many hands pull him back and forth.

Real-life Sasha has been meeting Phillip after work for drinks almost two nights a week now; giving him levels of anxiety that he didn’t know were possible.  He has successfully dodged having her over to his apartment by repeatedly citing his brother’s lifestyle as the main deterrent, but he knows he can’t avoid the shame of his poverty forever.  Eventually she will want to see where he lives no matter how disgusting he describes Edward’s habits.  Edward, incidentally and unsurprisingly has not yet found a job and offers an unending critique of Phillip’s failure so far to sleep with Sasha.  General lack of experience with intimacy was the most likely reason for Phillip’s clumsy approach.  He had made it to her apartment twice, but both times resulted in only partial nudity and while fun, was somewhat unfulfilling.

On several occasions she had mentioned an ex-boyfriend who she was apparently still friends with; a situation which Phillip found concerning simply because of the English involved.  A boy who is a friend is a boyfriend of sorts and an ex-boyfriend implies that this friend who happened to be a boy was not acceptable in some way and making them an ex-friend who happened to be a boy, added intimacy or not, which should preclude any future friendship of any sort with this person.  Phillip also acknowledged the possibility that he attributed the lack of sex thus far to lingering feelings for this ex and was more than slightly bitter about it.  His name was Vinnie and she described him as a “bad boy” type.  He was apparently an occasional male model with a significant heroin problem which Phillip said sounded really awesome, but actually not at all.


About christophermwilt

Design, invent, write, parent, cook, create View all posts by christophermwilt

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: