So like Gretchen and I were at the library and I was like OMG! because Kayla walked in the shortest skirt I had ever seen and her mom totally looked like a bag lady in her University of Phoenix sweatshirt, so I was like, “Kayla, is that even a real college?” and Kayla didn’t know, but Gretchen said I shouldn’t judge even though when I showed her a picture of Winston she totally said he was cuter than her puppy, but then I said his name was Doris and that he’s a drug dealing, prostitute cross-dresser and she looked confused. You’re soooo much prettier than Kayla’s mom. I told Kayla that she was probably going to grow up and look like her mom and she cried, but then I gave her a waffle wheel and a hug and told her that it would be okay because I would still be her friend when she got ugly and that made her smile.
I love you mom, you’re the best mom ever of all time!