Upon meeting the strange sisters I was immediately taken aback at the unnatural shininess and tautness of the skin on their faces, almost like a mask concealing a twitching mass of muscles underneath. Their general movements and physical ticks seemed almost reptilian in nature; heads bobbing side to side, necks fully extended at all times. Each word that exited their mouths seemed to hang in the air as though completely unrelated to the next, implying that the phonetic construction of each was of more interest than the words actually flowing together to form sentences. I now understand Lovecraft’s description of the way otherworldly beings regard speaking English. Additionally, one of them used “hitherto” in the first sentence she spoke, which struck me as a little odd, but by the end of the interview seemed consistent with everything else.
The meeting was in regard to one or both of them nannying my 14 month old daughter. I had joked with my fiancée in hearing the initial information on these girls that an interview question might be, “If you saw the mark of the beast on my daughter’s scalp during bath time what would you do?” Needless to say neither of us uttered this question because we knew the answer would be, “drown her” spoken in emotionless unison. In the course of the conversation we also found out that they don’t actually eat food, but instead subsist on food pellets filled with dried pulverized food stuffs (I’m not making this up), which might explain their skin qualities and general twitchiness. It’s also completely possible that they sensed that my daughter is unbaptized and wanted to secure my house against witches who might try to make flying potion out of her (if you don’t get this, it’s okay, it’s a “Warlock” reference, which is an awesomely bad horror movie from the eighties); the lack of religious artifacts on my walls providing no defense against Evil.